Jazz Player
Musical expressions can be rooted in thoughts going through the mind that cannot be expressed in words; it also drives the behavior and that behavior may not be the best of expressions.
Earnest the trumpet player a fixture on Bourbon street’s Jazz clubs & bars where he performed his musical gifts as a guest band member or solo artist. But outside of his musical expression he had a lost mind.
Earnest got hooked up with a woman who became the love of his life. It would have been a fairy tale end; except for he didn’t want his love to do stuff like dance, or go anywhere. Strange for a musician to be against dance. Yet, this and fabricated jealousy consumed his mind. His love went to Mardi Gras; after she returned; he murdered her. Now sitting in an asylum with those thoughts and no trumpet to let them out.
© 2018 All Rights Reserved
For What Pegman Saw flash fiction challenge of 150 words or less. This week’s prompt is New Orleans, Louisiana.
True_George 
I liked it true george. Good for a short, but we want more. Jazz is growing on my, there’s a cool show called trimme on HBO you may enjoy
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I like how the musical theme weaves through the piece. last line is a sad and profound one!
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Hello True George,
That was pretty good, and was sadly believable as something that is likely to have happened especially in that part of the world.
-John Jr
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Very sad… but happens pretty often – well, the possessiveness and controlling bit – not necessarily the murdering bit!
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The murder was based on a real life event that took place in 1964 in Jamaica, West Indies
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What a tortured life Earnest led, and how tragic that he turned against the woman he loved. I like the last line, where he has all “those thoughts and no trumpet to let them out.”
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Dear George,
Your story has a strong theme, but it could be much more engaging. Do you welcome constructive criticism?
With very best wishes
Penny
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Yes, I welcome any criticism that can help me improve…thanks
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Okay. Then I hope the following helps.
The mantra for all writers of fiction is ‘Show, don’t tell’. What we mean by that is we should describe scenes that demonstrate the points we want to convey to the reader. For example
‘One evening the manager hailed Earnest, “Hey man, you hot on dat horn tonight!”
“Got me a hot chick,” grinned Earnest.’
It says much the same as your “Earnest got hooked up with a woman who became the love of his life. It would have been a fairy tale end;” but it makes it more alive.
‘Show, don’t tell’ is probably the single most important thing that we have to learn to master our craft, although of course there’s a whole mass of other stuff.
Anyway, good luck!
And, if you feel you can offer concrit on my stories, I’ll be delighted to receive it.
With best wishes
Penny
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Thanks…
I’ll consider this, it may bring more feeling to the tale..
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Reblogged this on Success Inspirers' World.
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