So now it is last week in April 2004 when we finally arrived at out station. Convoy Support Camp (CSC) Scania; one of my fellow troopers described the camp as being hot and dusty, with tents that smelled like shit. Well I could say probably the tent that he was staying in smelled like shit or was it that his tent mates were farting up a storm? At the time when we arrived the camp’s PX was nothing more than a General Purpose (GP) medium tent. Thank heaven that the PX was improved as time went  on. The cafeteria (defac) was a separate building staffed by contractors from India. They provided meals for the military and individual contractors. There was a small medical facility that was staffed by medics, and a Doctor. The medical facility also provided for the medical needs of the locals. Elements of the Vermont National Guard unit 1/86th Field Artillery who also received their pre-deployment training at Fort Dix at the same time we received our training was in the camp for the past month. They had the same primary mission of escorting convoys as we did but they were a month ahead of us because the trainers at Fort Dix decided to hold us back so that we can get the additional training that they added to the pre-deployment training program; it turned out that the 1st Army was pissed that Fort Dix trained units were messing up so Fort Dix was put on notice. They made us the guinea pigs to improve their program which tormented us even further. The Florida National Guard unit the 369th Military Police Company was there waiting on us because we were their replacements. They even hijacked the brand new Humvees that was supposed to go to us while Fort Dix held us for another month. This resulted in us getting second hand equipment. A garrison unit also known as the Mayoral cell was in charge of the camp. They had the overall responsibility for camp maintenance and security. They organized routine duty and coordinated with the various units stationed at the camp to provide individuals to perform details, provide guards, and had a standing quick reactionary force (QRF) for camp defense and a roving patrol to police the camp premeter. On the outskirts of the main area on the road was the staging area of the trucks. Along the road leading from the front gate all the way to the main area the contractor’s tractor & trailers were parked along the inner side of the road and the drivers was living out of their trucks until their convoy was ready to go.

Moral Welfare Recreation

There were a lot extra curriculum activities that was organized for the general welfare & morale of the troops. After all if there is a camp full of bored soldiers it will invite mischief; I should say more mischief than usual, I can attest to a lot of undercover stuff that was taking place in the shadows. The military’s Moral Welfare Recreation (MWR) organization provided a gym, movie theater, internet café. There was a recreation tent that had a pool table and a place to play cards, and board games. At the camp’s chapel there were stuff like DVD’s, books, music CD’s that American citizens donated to their military. Individual’s also initiated their own form of activities. For example SSgt. P of the 369th MP had a salsa class that was very popular. Particularly with the Marines who stopped overnight on their way to Fallujah for the sole purpose of engaging in combat operations. They used to pack themselves in her salsa class. Another popular activity was a talk radio show that members of the 369th initiated. It was called radio 69.

Unsanctioned activity

Radio 69 was an unsanctioned activity that was done nightly on the hand held radio that was also unofficial military equipment that everyone in the camp had and used it for person to person communication. The show itself was modeled after Howard Stern’s show discussing provocative stuff, among other talk. So if you are familiar with Howard Stern then you know what type of provocative stuff that was discussed. The whole purpose of the show was for moral and it was very entertaining. The show started at 10pm local Iraqi time. It started with a song by Eamon called “Fuck it (I don’t want you back.);” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nsy7TQN78C4); then the host who called himself “Latin Lover “would come on announce the show’s welcome statement. “Good evening this is radio 6-9 talking about our fantasies, we do this for moral…” He announced the theme and after that those people would take turns saying their comments to the theme questions. Anyone could participate there were a lot of X-rated jokes being told or some sort of amusing statement that someone put out or an awkward funny experience that someone revealed what happened to them. We can laugh over it. But one of the biggest laughs was the handles that individual members of our unit and every other unit that was based in the camp used. We all knew who was who because we can recognize their voice, even though there was some attempt to disguise it. That held the same for members of the 369th MP, the contractors, and other individuals stationed in the camp. The ones that we didn’t know we would come to know them later on. It was like a revelation when you spoke to individuals while performing duty. You know where you heard their voice saying the things they said, wondering if the experience they described was a fabrication or was it true. The golden rule was keep your mouth shut about what you heard them say. The only voices that we did not know were from the individuals were from units that were in transit and stopped at Camp Scania only for the night.

The Characters

There were a few individuals in C-battery that consistently participated and some of them were hilarious. I’m going to talk about the ones I remember. Anyone from the unit who is reading this will know they are. So guys, let me hear from you.

There was the “Haji man” aka Spec. T; his motto was “you killed my father and fucked my sister.” One can imagine that the motto was based on the idea of U.S forces coming to Iraq killing the men and fucking the women. The Haji man will say some amusing stuff about it pretending to complain. Then we had “Sweat dick Wille” aka SFC. G; he went from being a platoon daddy to a pimp daddy. We had “Triple H” aka Sgt. H; had jokes about the “man-gina,” gina being a metaphor for vagina which is what women have men have man-ginas. Use your imagination and tell me what he was saying. There was “the motherfucker” aka Spec. R. This dude would talk with a low pitch and say “this motherfuckkkker….” The way he said it would make everyone laugh. Then would you believe that a couple of days later someone came on and announced that he is “the fatherfucker.” I didn’t catch who that person was. So if anyone from C-battery reading this who knows who he was let me know. My driver the Fish called himself “Dolemite” after the 1970’s character from the Blaxploitation movies. Then there was Big Liu as the “Brooklyn Guido” mimicking the voice of a Brooklyn guido Italian gangster. But what took the cake was the “assman,” aka SSgt. S. He had everyone cracking up by the way he said “ass” “This is the assssman” placing emphasis on the word ass. He was the most popular because he was always talking about pounding some woman in the ass. Then he described the ass, he even said the asssshole has 17 winkles and it’s full of assss juice…… Then there were the women. There was “Kinky Kitten.” I forgot her name but she was a shooter who were the soldiers who rode shotgun in the contractor’s truck to shoot back at the enemy to protect the driver if the convoy came under fire. She was from one of those hillbilly states. Anyone who was her friend and didn’t get laid was because they did not want to be laid. Another female was “Beth Page” she was a contractor who worked in the MWR tent and its ironic because Beth Page was her real name. Just meeting her she would be defensive and did not make small talk with anyone except for with the regulars that came into the tent. Later I found out the reason for her being so defensive. It turned out that a couple of months before the 258 got to Scania; she was a victim of being stalked by a soldier.  Yet she participated on this show. Finally, who can forget about the “finger fucker.” This person did not say anything on the air. He made it his mission to interrupt the transmission by pressing the transmission button when the opportunity arises. We suspected that it was CSM. Smith from the Mayoral cell who attempted to put a stop to the activity, he had expressed his displeasure over the whole radio 69 business, and he wanted it to stop. However, nobody cared what the CSM wanted, and the activity continued.

Gone but not forgotten

The show would end at midnight were Latin Lover and other members and participants would go to the defac for midnight chow. The CSM finally got his wish and the show came to an end when the 369th MP tour of duty ended and they left Scania to rotate back to Florida. Once they left no one picked up where they left off.